Posts

Yet another March to remember

Image
Image courtesy: pngtree Oh Lord !! What a month it has been. Again another March where all our plans have been toppled by this unprecedented pandemic which has gripped the entire world. Exactly after a year writing about Amma's hospital stint around the same time of 2019, here I am in April 1st 2020, at the 8th day of this country wide lockdown washing my hands often enough which has literally cracked my skin, thankfully bereft of reasons to step out and wondering how long are we going to have to keep this way up with closed schools, working from home, one meter personal space and empty roads. We have been working from home since 19th and had my friends visited me on 20th midnight with my birthday cake and had a memorable 20-30 minutes of celebrations and I am absolutely grateful to have them. For a person like me, it is the moments like this that matters and I am happy that i spent my 31st birthday with my loved ones cooking pav bhaji for dinner .The last time I went out wa...
Post a Comment
Read more

Pause and Breathe !!!!!!!!!

Image
Today is one of those days feeling completely lost about what I am doing and where I am going. I feel completely panicked, stressed and confused.And the one who has to bear the brunt of my frustration is my little one. I loose my temper and yell at him when he demands my attention for his needs. After that, the guilt of yelling adds fuel to the already burning fire. I am suffering from the 'Not up-to the mark' syndrome. I have decided to transition to something I like. I was preparing quite well for it. But suddenly I am caught up in this whirlwind of thoughts as to what if I couldn't get into this profile, what if I flunk the exam, what if I fail the interview then, what if they wouldn't open a role for me. So many what-if's and here I am in the midst of chaos, not knowing the right or wrong, sobbing quietly. I am one person who wants to be the best at what I do. I love attention, appreciation,respect and want to be the best in my team. But the mind wants more...
Post a Comment
Read more

A MARCH to remember

Oh my dear March !!!!  March is my birthday month and so I was beaming with happiness as I was going to be in Kerala to celebrate my thirtieth. The mere thought of being surrounded by loved ones and celebrating my thirtieth birthday filled so much joy in me , I was eagerly waiting to fly to Kerala. Being in a tight project schedule, I literally had to beg for a week's holiday. Finally after cajoling and imploring, the huddle of leave sanction was done.Then on the day of travel when we reached the airport , our flight was cancelled. The next flight we got was on Monday. Spent the Saturday and Sunday killing time and cursing the airlines, I waited impatiently . And once the flight landed Kerala, I was jumping with joy. No matter how bad the weather is , how gossipy the people are , I love Kerala. When we reached home , Daddy told me Amma was not feeling well since few days. She is suffering from some gastric trouble. Minor gastric issues and I thought she would be ok soon. Later af...
Post a Comment
Read more

8 years !!!!

Image
Image courtesy: Google Today, we  have completed 8 years since we became man and wife. And for me this 8 years had been the most important period of my life as it molded me to be the woman of courage from the girl I had been. For the conservative malayali girl getting married at 21 was blissful. I had limited dreams and career aspirations . And I too felt elated and complacent to find the right man. For my Parents, this arranged marriage was the happiest as they didn’t have to worry about the status quo. A marriage without any demands from the groom's side was a relief and assured my safety even I am miles apart. My dad was bit skeptical to marry me off to Mumbai ,for him it was not the city of dreams and was the city of bomb blasts, terror attacks, religious outbursts and riots. Still he consented considering the groom's simplicity and humility. My mom was sad to send off her youngest girl to a far-off city, still happy to get me married at the right time prescribe...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Mystery woman

Deep in thoughts , I couldn't fathom this mystery woman in me. There are many things about myself I don't understand . Trying to inculcate many new habits, trying to improve in whatever I could. Unable to choose the priorities, pondering over too many stuffs. Thinking how or where my career leads me. Where would I be in 5 years, leave 5 what about 2 or 3 years... There is too much stuffs to dooo, but hardly any recognition.... The way ahead is too vague and I have ambivalent emotions to that. Feeling alone and baffled,petrified and disturbed, I understand the only thing constant in life is 'change'. The utter state of confusion , a good mom, a role model employee, a great home maker... what could I do to manage all????? Is it possible to excel in one without worrying about something else.. I think it's not.. As approaching 30, I am too scared to think what I have achieved in my 30 years of existence..... Only thing I should hold on to is HOOOPPPEEEEE.... PATIENCE.....
Post a Comment
Read more

When breath becomes air!!!

Image
I haven't read many memoirs before. I found this one by Paul Kalanithi profoundly poignant of courage, dedication, love and loss. Paul was diagnosed with lung cancer at the age of 36 when he was completing the last year of his Neurosurgery residency and after 22 months, he died in March 2015 while his daughter Cady was just 8 months old. Paul had earned degrees in Literature,Biology and Medicine from Ivy league universities and aspired to be a Neurosurgeon-scientist and as a writer. A gifted doctor,a brilliant scientist,a passionate writer,a loving son, brother ,husband and father .. numerous were the role he played and I believe he played all of these roles flawlessly well. Throughout the book , I was amazed by his wisdom and the myriads of books he would have read. He replaced his love for literature and ambition to be a writer with neurosurgery to do something tangible by saving lives.After years of grueling residency and long hours at work, Paul and his wife Lucy was going th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Happy 2nd birthday my darling

Image
Dear  Kunju, Even before we knew you were born, you are two . It was on Friday March 6th 2015 that we came to know you have sprouted inside me, our perfectly planned absolute God sent gift. From then, till now and forward , we know that you will be the most precious of everything we have.You are our life.... Our world literally revolves around you. Ever since you came up, our life has been ebullient and cheerful. From the ' paavam ' new born to the naughty toddler you have evolved a lot. At times, it make me sad to realize that I can't rock you on my lap anymore,carry on my arms to let u sleep. But I have really enjoyed every phase of that. If it wasn't for you, I would not have had the scariest C-section, the yucky moringa leaves soup(it literally tasted shit), the ' netholi ' curry, lots and lots of ' kurukke ' (ayurvedic medicines given to women after delivery to resuscitate their health  and to feed the baby ). Though it was heart breakin...
1 comment
Read more